Bath

Last night I decided to take a bath, for no reason at all, other than to relax I guess. Not that I really have any reason to need to relax anyway. I have remotely no stress in my life right now; the only stress I have stems from the fact that I have nothing to stress about- no job, no schooling, no boyfriend, no apartment, no car. As I laid in the bathtub, listening to my iPod on shuffle, watching the bath salts float around, I wondered to myself, what's next in my life? I have absolutely nothing tying me down. So what's holding me back? Money I guess; I don't have any to get me anywhere or anything. Once I get some though, what would I even do? Go to Argentina? Go back to Nicaragua? Go back to Europe? Become a yacht stew? Go to the Florida Keys? I have so many ideas swarming around up there that it's blinding me from seeing clearly. Kathryn wrote me a letter last week in response to my letter to her, which I can only imagine seemed like the rantings of a bored, useless vagabond, and her response was so poised and kind and helpful. Her words and the way she orders them always make perfect sense to me. Things that I already know that she rewords and restates to me cause revelations; I don't know how she does it. In her little 3 by 5 greeting card were the words that this time made me realize things that I should already have known, and accepted: To do what makes me happy. Don't worry about others. Don't compare myself to others. What makes me smile?

Even just reading this made me smile. She cares and she makes sense and I'm so lucky that I was born into her family and not someone else's. After moving on from that thought, I tried to think of what made me smile, or at least the major things, as many things make me smile, like stationary and peppermint tea. Bigger things though, are Spanish. Learning it, speaking it, teaching it. I smile when it's sunny and warm. Never when I'm cold. I smile when I've just booked a flight to somewhere I know nothing about. I smile when my cat acts like she needs me.

Unfortunately, pretty much all my goals right now require money, and in this economy, you can't really do without it. In order to get some money, a substantial amount in a short time, a definite possibility is to get a job on a yacht. I did a lot of research on this a few years ago, swearing I would do it and never did. I think now is the time. I think my resume is decent enough, and I could travel while working and saving money, to work towards my goals. Seeing as I have so many, this is probably a smart idea. When I've done some saving up, I could finally go to culinary school and get a pastry degree! I could work in Buenos Aires, or anywhere! I could visit Eva and learn German, after I've perfected Spanish! I could scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef! I used to be in a big hurry, but I've come to accept the fact, through that tiny little greeting card, that there's no deadline for a career. Things don't happen magically and immediately like I want them to. Everyone else had to do four years of college, or more, and just because I opted out of that doesn't mean I'm exempt from waiting some time and working hard. Which is what I plan on doing. Here's to new beginnings and working towards goals, instead of resenting that you have to work for them.