Poetry After Effects

It's been almost a week since my last update, and that's because all my writing energy is being sucked out of me by this poetry contest! I'm entering a contest that my mom told me about (thank god!) that is free to enter and all you have to do is submit 40 pages of recent poetry. Well, I haven't written poetry in 3 years, and all of that is lost because my ditzy creative writing teacher lost my notebook! (We had to hand them in to be graded, she lost mine.) So I had to start from scratch, writing 40 pages in one month. And I'm doing it! I wrote 26 pages, I have 14 pages left and 14 days left. I am right on track! It feels good to be writing again. I used to write creatively a lot, but in the past couple of years I've only been writing in my journal and sometimes in this blog. Even if I don't win (which I don't expect to- there are way better poets out there than me, but even if the chance is one in a million, that's more chance than if I didn't enter at all!) then I'll still have a recent portfolio of poetry! That makes me feel like I've really accomplished something in the past month, especially since poetry doesn't come easily to me.

All this poetry writing has got me stirring up a lot of things from the past, at an attempt to get some inspiration and variety into my 40 pages, and I've been contemplating family a lot. One of my favorite people in the world is a girl I used to work with. One day we were working and talking on New Year's Day, and she told me that she just asked one of her tables, "What is one thing in this past year you regret? Or one thing in life you regret?" (She's so awesome just because she asks her tables personal questions like that.) Well apparently he said something along the lines of regretting not spending more time on his relationship with his family. And I knew what she meant- she was eluding to her family, who has so many problems, way more than the norm, and I think she was feeling guilty that she didn't talk to many of her family members, and for good reason. I said, "Well isn't it just as much of a regret to waste time on someone who's not worthy of your time? Whether they're family or not? Someone who mistreats you time and time again? Being blood related doesn't mean it's law for those relatives to talk, even if it's against their will. I'm not saying that you can't or shouldn't forgive them, but you may forgive them, and move on solitary. A guy may break into your house and steal your tv, and you eventually forgive him, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to ask him to house sit your house while you're away.

My family are people I love, and who love me. People I believe will always be there for me no matter what the circumstances, and I will always be there for them. Some of these are blood related, and some are people I've been lucky enough to meet in my life. I'm so grateful that I have met genuine good souls in my life so far, and that there are still genuinely good people out there.